50+ Hat Jokes

One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

What do you call an octopus with a hat?

An octopus with a hat, of course.

To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

Why don't witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip on their broom.

The image shows two figures, presumably Roblox avatars. One figure is a person with large, fleshy legs, a Supreme top and a salad on their head. They also have a mask on. The second figure is a child wearing a deer antler hat with a single skeleton leg.

Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.

How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.

I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡

A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

Why don’t witches wear underwear?

To get a better grip on their broom.

What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?

A bonnet.

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.

1-2-..... and he left without a trace.

Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.

My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.

Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.