Sex jokes

Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?

What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.

Why did the condom cross the road?

Because he was pissed off.

What do a stripper and a coconut have in common? They both have a creamy center.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.

My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

Why do pedophiles always lose a race?

Because they come in a little behind.

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?

A slow clap.

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

What is the worst part about siblings having sex?

Being left out.

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.