Sex jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.
Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Who is the definition of a natural-born cocksucker?
A bisexual male, a homosexual male, a bisexual female, or a heterosexual female?
A physically disabled heterosexual male.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
Are you the twin towers?
Because I want to crash inside of you.
What did The Rock say to his dad?
"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
F*ck me!
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?
Because they got little dicks and big mouths.
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.