Sex jokes

What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?

They both broke and everybody cried.

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

Are you the twin towers?

Because I want to crash inside of you.

What did The Rock say to his dad?

"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"

What does gum in my d*ck have in common?

Both get chewed on by little kids.

My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.

I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.

What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?

My dick.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?

Because they got little dicks and big mouths.

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?

What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.

Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

What do a stripper and a coconut have in common? They both have a creamy center.

Why did the condom cross the road?

Because he was pissed off.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.

My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.