Sex jokes

F*ck me!

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?

Only one moans when I put my meat in it.

What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?

They both broke and everybody cried.

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

Are you the twin towers?

Because I want to crash inside of you.

What did The Rock say to his dad?

"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"

What does gum in my d*ck have in common?

Both get chewed on by little kids.

My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.

I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.

What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?

My dick.

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?

Because they got little dicks and big mouths.

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?

Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.

What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."