Sex jokes
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
I tried phone sex once, lost my bits to a stray "call waiting" beep. Very painful. Never again.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
A condom!
What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The prostitute can blow you more than once.
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
Have you ever heard of sex? Because you just got fucked.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.
Jack fucked Jill's pussy till it stopped functioning.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
If I fantasize about fucking a UCP Cabinet Minister,
Does that mean I'm sexually Conservative?
What's funny about sex? I don't get it!
The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.