Sex jokes
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!
Dear doctor,
I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly, Ray Palp
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!
There are only two genders.
My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.
Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.
I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.
A prostitute walks in the bar, and she goes up to the bartender and says, "I just made $100 and 5¢ sucking dick." The bartender says, "Who gave you the 5¢?" The prostitute says, "They all did!"
you.
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?" She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
Manly men go to strip clubs. JD Vance goes to IKEA.
Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
7 was a registered sex offender.