Sex jokes

What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One kneels for salvation.

The other kneels with salivation.

Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?

A. A backroom deal.

A boy walks into class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Then a girl walks in, and the teacher says, "And where on earth have you been?" The girl says, "Well, you see..." Then the teacher stops her and says, "Let me guess, on a peach hill?" The girl says, "No, on 2 big cucumbers."

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?

Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.

"Dick me down shorts."

Knock, knock.

*takes out penis*

Who is there?

Butthole 😎

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis.

Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?

That's what happened to my dog.

She'd suck my dick and let me suck her tits.

Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?

Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.

I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.

There are more than two genders.

If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?