Sex jokes
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
Why did my mouth say no to butt? Because that would be too much sex.
I fucked a wall.
A dog meets a cat. The cat is black and the dog is white. They have sex on site, no cap.
What do you call a dino stripper?
A dinohore.
Ex-girlfriend: “I can smell fish.”
Ex-boyfriend: “I can smell sh*t.”
Ex-boyfriend: “Well, how many boys swam down there?”
Ex-girlfriend: “20!”
Fish: “Wasn’t me, I don’t swim around mistakes.”
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
What's long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cuCUMber.
"Don't have sex" - Jake.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
Boys are like minis.
Girls are like big pots.
Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.
What do you call three people in a dark room? A porno.
Zaine Davis and Stephen Hawking fuck each others brains out.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
What song is sung when conceiving?
"Let's Get Physical, Physical!"
Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?
Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.