Sex jokes
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
Why do pedophiles always lose a race?
Because they come in a little behind.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
What do a stripper and a coconut have in common? They both have a creamy center.
You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"