Sex jokes
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!
1, 2, 3, 4, your sis is such a whore,
5, 6, 7, 8, she has cum on her face.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her… so I said yes.
Lady: Will you fuck me?
Man: No, I don’t have a penis.
Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.
Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.
We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.
Why was the egg runny? Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.
Jesus got rejected. A few years later he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.
Get off this site and go have some sex, you fucking virgins.
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
New degree plans announced by Cornell University:
- Frat Studies, includes classes in acquiring ketamine and arranging threesomes with your homeboy and some random girl.
- Sorority Studies, includes classes in oral sex, binge drinking, and bullshitting after the fact.
- Consent Theory, teaches the new generation that "Yes" means "No" and your problems can all be solved by regretting your own poor decision-making (the shop's still open btw).
I think my penis has facial recognition.
How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?
Change your name to "Rape."
The pilot that hit the Pentagon must suck at sex because he missed the hole.
YOUR MOM sucks my dick 24/7.
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!