Sex jokes
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?
An inside job.
Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?
Because they got little dicks and big mouths.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?
There's 20 of them.
What day can you have sex on?
Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
Why did I f*** my dad?
So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?
Who sucked on my cock?
Answer: You.
Ex-girlfriend: “I can smell fish.”
Ex-boyfriend: “I can smell sh*t.”
Ex-boyfriend: “Well, how many boys swam down there?”
Ex-girlfriend: “20!”
Fish: “Wasn’t me, I don’t swim around mistakes.”
How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?
Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.
Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?
"I'm stronger than you."
Your insults are drier than your pussy.
The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?
IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.