Sex jokes
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?
My penis.
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
What does a girl get after having sex with Batman?
Defective rabies.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.