Sex jokes
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
Hmmm.
What's a brother and sister from Alabama's favorite sex position?
The cowgirl.
What do you call nuts on a chin?
My penis in your mouth.
All-star gay mix
Somebody once told me The world is gonna rape me The dick's the hardest part of the body She looked like she's having fun With her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" in her bumhole.
Well, I started cumming And she started cumming Fed with dick, she's in love with bumming Didn't make sense not to live for bum Your dick gets hard, but your ass gets numb.
So much to fuck, so much to suck So what's wrong with eating the asshole? You'll never know if you don't try You'll never taste if you don't lick.
Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a schlong, ass frail And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.
It's a gay place and they say it gets gayer You're licking bum now, wait 'til your a bit older But the bent boys beg to differ Judging by the hole in the homeless man's throat.
The sperm in the bath is getting pretty thin The sperms getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on cocaine, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get raped!
Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a willy, ass frale And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.
What is the most useless part of a vagina?
The woman.
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
What's wrong with 89?
You blow me and I owe you one.
F*** man, I just need a f***ing loli to walk all over me!
GBM when he sees Soph (gets a boner) and has sex with Soph but realizes he forgot to put on a condom. Soph: "This is why Arsenal fans are so deluded and retarded."
Normal Fans after they lose the game: Good game, you guys played really well. GBM: "BRO REF WHAT THE BLOODY HELL YOU DELUDED ASS RETARD, OMFG WE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS REF!"
Adapt: Hey Adapt, did you know you're smart? Smart for being retarded. Yo Adapt!! You're so stupid that you gave me your Roblox account info and you said thanks about it!!
Barca fans after the LFC vs Barca game: We bottled it, damn it, we'll win the Copa Del Rey tho. Commie after the LFC vs Barca game: "YOU NEVER WALK ALONEEEEEEEEEE" Normal People: I support only 1 team. Commie: I support Barca, LFC, and AEK!! And I'm the biggest plastic in the server!!
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
My dick's so big, I stuck it in your mom's loose hole.
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."