Sex jokes
A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.
The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."
What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.
His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.
His boss told him: "You suck."
And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.
His boss told him: "You suck for life!"
XD
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
Why did the priest invent baptism?
To wash their sex toys.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
What do a stripper and a coconut have in common? They both have a creamy center.
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.
You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)