Sex jokes
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.
Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.
Rubbing everywhere but not the clit and asking, "Do you like that?"
(dude wtf)
Who likes eating ass?
My Little Pony.
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
Gwen pegs Xavier.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
Why were the octopi sad?
Ugly 2d big tittied girls kept fucking him idk im a horny 14 year old.
What is the definition of auto masturbation?
Fellatio.
I’m horny who else is *ugh ugh papi harder*.
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
Did you hear about the gay choirboy?
He choked on his first hymn.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
How do you have sex? You take off your clothes and shove your dick in the girl's pussy. If girl suck his dick.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.