Sex jokes
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because he put the wrong sock was put on.
Hehe.
you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
Chupa mi polla.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
Why can’t an emo have sex?
They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
I was kissing my gal when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was a prank. I walked into the room when my girl had sex with me. Then we cummed the house full XD
PS free sex at my name
Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?
A: Make sure to come upstairs!
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.
I suck poop in my butthole, aka porn.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.