Sex jokes
I’m horny who else is *ugh ugh papi harder*.
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.
Why were the octopi sad?
Ugly 2d big tittied girls kept fucking him idk im a horny 14 year old.
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
How do you have sex? You take off your clothes and shove your dick in the girl's pussy. If girl suck his dick.
Fat girls give the best head because they are hungry and eat the most dick.
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
Who likes eating ass?
My Little Pony.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
"Penis equals power, pussy equals wussy."
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
Gwen pegs Xavier.