Sex jokes
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's.
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
Ethan should give me an Australian kiss 🤭
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
Who discovered shrimp were edible?
Probably the same one who invented the blowjob.
Jack and Jill went up the hill for drunkin' wild sex.
Jack went by Jill to get a lick, and watched Jill get off on a stick.
Anal.
Not sure if domestic violence joke or penis size joke...
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
What did The Rock say to his dad?
"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"
Chupa mi polla.
My dick.
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
I fucked your girl.
Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.
It's women that make it hard.