Sex

Sex jokes

Cow

    • Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?

    Priest

    • What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?

    "We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."

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    • Sex memes

    Hill

    • Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.

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    • Johnny

    • Little Johnny fucked a girl, ran away, fucked another, ran, went to the strip club, got a private dance, he has sex with them, fucking ran, yelled to some random bitch ass guy, "Fuck him, he's a bitch." He bends down, they have sex on the street, they go home, have sex, little Johnny wakes up, questions himself, fucking does it again. He goes to the strip club, fucks some more people, when he is drunk, questions himself some more, then tries phone sex, but his dick is too small.

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    • Show

    • Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.

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    • Dad

    • Dad: Uh, yeah!

    Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!

    Parents: Sex!

    Son: What?

    Parents: Look, you can spectate!

    Dog

    • A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"

    "Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."

    "Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"

    "Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."

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    • Whale

    • So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

    The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

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    • Mermaid

    • A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

    As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

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