Sex jokes

Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?

Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?

Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.

I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

A prostitute walks in the bar, and she goes up to the bartender and says, "I just made $100 and 5¢ sucking dick." The bartender says, "Who gave you the 5¢?" The prostitute says, "They all did!"

Why have sex when you can perv on your neighbor's grandma!

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

Why can’t orphans have sex?

Because they don’t have a daddy to run back to.

Are you a race car?

Cuz I’m tryna fuck.

Heh heh, get it? 69! Ha ahahaha!

I have no problem with prostitution.

It's like an Air BnB for your dick.

How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?

Take a dump on her vagina!

Why did the pervert cross the road?

'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.

How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?

He performs fellatio on them.

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

Why is the penis so light?

Because even thots can lift them.