Sex jokes
Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?
A: Make sure to come upstairs!
Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.
When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
What did The Rock say to his dad?
"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."
"What is it?" she asked.
"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.
"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.
"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.
"And your final wish?" the genie asked.
"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."
"Dick me down shorts."
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
What’s the difference between 69 and High School?
In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.
You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)
If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?
What do lovely men and tampons have in common?
Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.
HAIKU JOKE:
Helen Keller could Fuck a blind man so hard that she Ends up with his child.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.