Sex jokes
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
POV: Get a banana cleaner and use it as a sex toy.
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.
Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
What do the names Alan and Jordan have in common?
An.
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
Why did the two balls cross the road?
To get to the penis!
Sorry, too rude?
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.
Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?
A: Make sure to come upstairs!