Sex jokes
I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Why did the priest invent baptism?
To wash their sex toys.
What happened when you put your penis in? You start cumming!
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
What does a girl get after having sex with Batman?
Defective rabies.
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common?
They both like oil.
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
Indian porn
Ooooh oooh oooh
Baaaaaa
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
"Yol, what do you think about sex?"
"Good."
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”