Sex jokes
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
What comes after 69?
Period.
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
At night, before I got in bed with my girl, I had 206 bones, but I developed a 207th bone.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
Manly men go to strip clubs. JD Vance goes to IKEA.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
Pls send.
I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
Get a fucking life, you horny bastards!
What is a threesome?
1 + 1 = 3
"Hi, honey, how do you want buns?"