Sex jokes
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
You know why women wear tampons?
So the crabs could bungee jump!
A couple has sex in the dark every single night.
One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."
Nancy be like, "Don't do drugs, do cock!"
What do you say to a girl with no arms and no legs? Nice boobs!
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"
Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
What do lovely men and tampons have in common?
Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.
Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."
Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."
Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."
Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"
Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"
Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."
Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."
Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."
Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"
Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."
Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because he put the wrong sock was put on.
Hehe.
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
What does a robot do after a one night stand?
He nuts 'n bolts!
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.