Sex jokes
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
What do you call a thirsty girl?
An H2Hoe.
If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
What's the difference between me and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
"Penis equals power, pussy equals wussy."
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
What’s the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?
Putting the damn nappy back on afterwards…
This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.
What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.