Sex jokes
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my bed has room for 2 ;)
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
POV: Get a banana cleaner and use it as a sex toy.
Barney-1 2 3 what number comes next?
Barney-that’s right it’s penis!
What do you say to a girl with no arms and no legs? Nice boobs!
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
Prostitutes remind me of chewese.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
My name is Gwen, and I say rape jokes aren't funny. It's not funny for people to have sex with you without you agreeing. Also, they're getting old and NOT FUNNY! If anyone has something to say, please do. Comment if you agree or not. It's okay; I want to hear what you say. Just tell me if they are not funny.
We will have a contest to see how many people comment on saying they're good and funny, or people saying they're bad and terrible jokes and should not be made. May the best votes and comments win.
So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
How do you sex?
With penis!
Jajajajja funny joke epic laugh. I have been detained, please help!
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
Hey, Tanya, can I Tanya ass?
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"