Sex jokes
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
I've been doing sex moves on myself so I can be ready when I have sex, and by far the funniest thing to do is finger my butt. I go 2 handed sometimes.
Now from the top, make it drop, that's a WAP, that's a WAP.
Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered sex offender.
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.
I suck my dick.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.