Sex jokes
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
"Dick me down shorts."
A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."
I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.
If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
Knock, knock.
*takes out penis*
Who is there?
Butthole 😎
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
Uder the sheets.
Under the sheeeets. Me and your mother making your brother.
Under the sheets. Do do do do dododoodoooddododoodo.
SEX KIDS FUCKING VIRGINS
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."
Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."
Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."
Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"
Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"
Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."
Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."
Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."
Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"
Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."
Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦
F*ck me!
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
Prostitutes remind me of chewese.