Sex jokes

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!

What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?

I don't care if she has either.

Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?

He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.

So, this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream. Then, in the bed, her husband woke up and said, "Hey! You just woke me up in a sweet dream!" She said, "Oh, sorry babe." Then she asked him what his dream was about, and he responded like, "I was with a woman; me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex; you just ruined it!" She said, "AAAAh!" He asked her what her dream was about, then she replied as, "I was trying to suck a man's penis, and a cock trying to get cummiee out of it!"

There are now only three genders: Male, female, and stupid!

So this is how I got divorced.

On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!

What's the difference between anal and oral sex? An and Or!

What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?

I pull out of the driveway.

Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?

Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.

What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?

Lester Piggott's.

Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.

Roses are red, lemons are sour.

Open your legs and give me an hour.

I like penis in my bum!

What do screen doors and blondes have in common?

The more you bang them, the looser they get.

NASA stands for... National Adult S3x Association.

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.

Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?

Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?

GF: Laying down.

BF: GROANING

GF: Are you good at aiming and shooting?

BF: Yeah, why?

GF: Shoot that did in there.

BF: Mmmhuugh