Sex jokes
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.
What’s the best thing about midgets??
They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.
So, little Johnny is walking down the street and asks a stranger, "Sir, what are hormones?"
Then the man replies, "The moans of a fucking whore!"
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"
Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
Sex.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
New degree plans announced by Cornell University:
- Frat Studies, includes classes in acquiring ketamine and arranging threesomes with your homeboy and some random girl.
- Sorority Studies, includes classes in oral sex, binge drinking, and bullshitting after the fact.
- Consent Theory, teaches the new generation that "Yes" means "No" and your problems can all be solved by regretting your own poor decision-making (the shop's still open btw).
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?
1. It stands for inflation.
2. It limits production.
3. It encourages cooperation.
4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.