Sex jokes
What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
She's a 10, but she doesn't like sex.
This is a lot like anal sex.
You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?
Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
Las Vegas has a new 550-foot-tall Ferris wheel, hoping to gain tourists.
What’s already gaining “tourists”? Whores.
"Rosex, why you search that?" Does it mean "Roblox sex?" Kid, stop!
What's long, hard, and full of semen?
Answer: Me.