Sex jokes
"Mmmmmmmm, daddy, f*ck me harder. I love you, daddy, mmmm. I luv your cock, mmmm, lick me, lick my clit, daddy!"
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.
The best part? She don't talk back.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Little Johnny once was at a camp and asked his teacher if he could sleep with her because he was homesick, so the teacher said yes. A few seconds later, Little Johnny asked if he could run his finger in her bellybutton, and she said yes.
A few seconds later, she moaned and felt so good, but it was not his finger putting it down her bellybutton; it was his dick and her penis.
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
I had sex, but ended up going "uuyaahh!"
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
Really bad penis joke.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
What’s the hardest bit about having anal sex?
Repeatedly getting a cock shoved in your arse🤣
Manly men go to strip clubs. JD Vance goes to IKEA.
Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?
My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"
Josh: Cookies.
Jacob: My parents.
Erika: My Friends!
Brody: Lamborghinis.
Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)
My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!
*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?