Sex jokes
69.
I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
Are you the twin towers?
Because I want to crash inside of you.
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
The FBI said, "Open up!" I shout to them.
A person said, "Cookie sale." I opened up. He fucked me.
What's a brother and sister from Alabama's favorite sex position?
The cowgirl.
It’s almost take her to Spirit Halloween, and then rail her in a spooky mask season.
Lady: I am going to come to your house.
Man: Ok.
An hour later, the lady is at the man's house. The man meets her outside of the house.
Man: You are going to cum to my house!
And then he fucks her.
Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.
Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"
The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"
Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"
Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."
The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"
Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."
Little Johnny said, "What truth?"
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
I'm gay.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”
Dick cheese, booty hole, yellow cum shot, anal shit, dick hole, ass brownies.
How can you tell when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's knob tastes funny.