Sex jokes
What's the difference between me and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
Why did people invent glow in the dark condoms?
So gay people can have lightsaber duels.
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.
Abbie: I had sex with dad.
Mom: Go die in a hole!
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
Your insults are drier than your pussy.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
"Penis equals power, pussy equals wussy."
Why did the dick suck my ass? They died.
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
What’s the most annoying thing about licking bald pussy?
Putting the damn nappy back on afterwards...