Sex jokes
What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
What do a stripper and a coconut have in common? They both have a creamy center.
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.
Why did the priest invent baptism?
To wash their sex toys.
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.