Sex jokes
Why did the rapist not get sentenced?
Because rule 69 said so 🤣🤣
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
It's impossible to rape a rapeist because rapeists want sex.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
You've heard of anal sex.
You've heard of oral sex.
You've heard of genital sex.
But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my bed has room for 2 ;)
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.
In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."
Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
"Fuck" and "sex" are hot, which is fire.
Anal intercourse is for assholes.