Sex jokes

Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.

Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!

Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.

How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?

Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.

Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."

Why did the priest invent baptism?

To wash their sex toys.

What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.

Getting ready for gangbang.

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?

Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.

What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?

An Oreo.

You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?

Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?

A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"

"Mmmmmmmm, daddy, f*ck me harder. I love you, daddy, mmmm. I luv your cock, mmmm, lick me, lick my clit, daddy!"

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.

So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

Fancy playing rodeo sex?

"OK then," she said!

Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!