Sex jokes
Why is life like penises?
Women make it hard.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?
Who is the definition of a natural-born cocksucker?
A bisexual male, a homosexual male, a bisexual female, or a heterosexual female?
A physically disabled heterosexual male.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To try to get away from the man.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.
Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?
Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!
It’s like I always tell my kids:
"Two in the pink, one in the stink."
Little Johnny fucked a girl, ran away, fucked another, ran, went to the strip club, got a private dance, he has sex with them, fucking ran, yelled to some random bitch ass guy, "Fuck him, he's a bitch." He bends down, they have sex on the street, they go home, have sex, little Johnny wakes up, questions himself, fucking does it again. He goes to the strip club, fucks some more people, when he is drunk, questions himself some more, then tries phone sex, but his dick is too small.
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.