Sex jokes
What wiggles and waggles?
A floppy dick!
What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?
One eats tape while the other eats pussy.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.
I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.
Chupa mi polla.
Why are sex toys something to stuff in your asshole and not a big racecar?
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???
Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?
Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.
What is the worst part about siblings having sex?
Being left out.
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
What does a lesbian call the other during sex?
Mummy.
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"
I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."
She was amazed!
Carly: Hey do [you] want to have sex? [Age] (43)
Zina: No! [Age] (10)
Carly: Good cause I can make you do it anyway! [Age] (43)
What do you spot in this place that [is] gay!
I have sex.