Sex jokes

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

Official orgasm donor.

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash.

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

I want your cock in my rock bottom.

Eat my ass!

What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.

What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?

A Topping.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

My girlfriend passed away recently.

At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.

Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.

What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?

A tongue workout!

Why did the two balls cross the road?

To get to the penis!

Sorry, too rude?

Hey, you down to fuck?

No, I’m just down.