Sex jokes

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!

I want your cock in my rock bottom.

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

Official orgasm donor.

What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.

What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?

A Topping.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?

I pull out of the driveway.

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?

A tongue workout!

My girlfriend passed away recently.

At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.

Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.

Why did the two balls cross the road?

To get to the penis!

Sorry, too rude?

Hey, you down to fuck?

No, I’m just down.

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

So, little Johnny is walking down the street and asks a stranger, "Sir, what are hormones?"

Then the man replies, "The moans of a fucking whore!"