Sex jokes
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"
"Baking a cake."
The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.
"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
What's so special about Palestinian sex dolls?
They blow themselves up.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.