Sex jokes

Just cum.

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.

Why did people invent glow in the dark condoms?

So gay people can have lightsaber duels.

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

I'll give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you.

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

Consent before sex is a joke. It's just politically correct feminazi propaganda.

I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.

Why is the penis so light?

Because even thots can lift them.

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.

Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.

Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.

Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?

A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.

What's the difference between sex and gender?

You can't have gender with your sister.

Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?

Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"

BAJAHAHAHHAA

Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?

Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.

What do you do if your dick is smoking?

Get your mum to lick it.

What does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.

I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.