Sex jokes
Eat my ass!
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
Hey, you down to fuck?
No, I’m just down.