Sex jokes

How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?

Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.

What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?

A tongue workout!

My girlfriend passed away recently.

At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.

Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.

Hey, you down to fuck?

No, I’m just down.

Why did the two balls cross the road?

To get to the penis!

Sorry, too rude?

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.

So, little Johnny is walking down the street and asks a stranger, "Sir, what are hormones?"

Then the man replies, "The moans of a fucking whore!"

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.

Just cum.

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.

Why did people invent glow in the dark condoms?

So gay people can have lightsaber duels.

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

Consent before sex is a joke. It's just politically correct feminazi propaganda.

I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.

Why is the penis so light?

Because even thots can lift them.

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.

Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.

Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.