Sex jokes
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her… so I said yes.
I just had sex...
I think I nailed it!
(Shit joke, I know.)
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
Me to my friend: I only date suicidal girls.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because that pussy is limited edition.
cock, cock, and cum
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
That autistic kid having sex for the first time:
"U The Hips, U The Hips!"
A man walks into a bar and see's a naked lady, "WOOW SHES HOT!" HE picks her up and pee's on her and says, "Hi lady lets have sex."
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!