Sex jokes
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
I met an amazing girl online. Smart, sexy... uninhibited.
Of course it turned out to be a 12 year old paraplegic boy... I have to admit... The sex was disappointing.
Official orgasm donor.
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
I want your cock in my rock bottom.
Eat my ass!
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.