Sex jokes

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"

"Baking a cake."

The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.

"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?

"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."

What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?

I pull out of the driveway.

Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Why should you always wear rubber?

So you don’t leave DNA evidence.

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?

A doppelgangbang.

What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash.

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

Official orgasm donor.

I met an amazing girl online. Smart, sexy... uninhibited.

Of course it turned out to be a 12 year old paraplegic boy... I have to admit... The sex was disappointing.

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.