Sex jokes
Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
What is the worst part about siblings having sex?
Being left out.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."
Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"