Sex jokes

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?

In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣

So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.

Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.

PENIS PENIS

Money is power, and power is sex. Sex is ex, and ex is virgin.

A man ate a bee to mechanical sexting, but he was to be, uh, sex. Bee vagina penis, he want sex but [is] dumb.

What's the best part of having sex with a baby?

Deep throat and anal at the same time.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.

Carly: Hey do [you] want to have sex? [Age] (43)

Zina: No! [Age] (10)

Carly: Good cause I can make you do it anyway! [Age] (43)

What do you spot in this place that [is] gay!

Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!

Your mommy.

She's a 10, but she doesn't like sex.

Suck my dick!

(Ron Jeremy)

"Don't have sex" - Jake.

A woman goes to buy a parrot.

There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.

She asks why the last one is so cheap.

The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."

The lady buys it anyway.

When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"

When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"

When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"

You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?

The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!

I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag.

OK, I'm joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.

What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?

They are not for kids.

Jarod (😏): Man, Breya Smith is so hot! The things I would do!

Y'uree (😟): Yes, but... she moved, remember? Her father found a new "job," so she is now leaving until the fall.

Jarod (😞): Ah yes! BECAUSE!!!!!

Y'uree (😯): I don't know, bitch. Maybe she has other things to do, or we can give her a good gangbang before she leaves!

Jarod: (😒): No, I really want to fuck her by myself!

Jarod (🤔): Hmmmmmmm..... mhmmmmmm..... ummmmm..... hmmmmm.... not a bad idea!

Jarod (🤨): Or not?

Y'uree (🙄): Shut up, man!

Jarod (😠): NO, I mean it! THAT GIRL HAS THE BEST ASS FOR ORAL SEX!

Why can't an orphan have sex?

Because they can't call them "daddy."

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.