Feet jokes
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?
Mufasa is proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
I went on holiday to the coast the other day, and I saw a shark.
I was alright, but I don't think my feet were.
My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.
Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.
What did the shoe tell the feet?
"Put me on your feet!"
Why can’t Michael Jackson go more than 500 feet into a school?
Because he’s dead.
What do you say to a foot that got beaten at everything?
De-feeted (Defeated)
Why don’t alligators grow up to 15 feet? They only have 4.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
Next person that says 67, I am gonna yell "9/11" and sweep their feet.
Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.
You have thin feet that people think you were a duck.
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."
"Then how about Karaoke?"
To which he replied, "I have two left throats."
I was tickling my son’s feet yesterday, and my wife said, "Wait until he’s born."
Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.
What’s up with the foot feet?
What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."
What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.
Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
Oh, the monkeys in the trees, they dance and they play, Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, they chatter all day. Their tails so long, their hands so fine, they swing and they sway, In the trees, they're the kings of the fray.
Their antics bring joy, their laughter so free, They're a delight to watch, as they jump and they spree. Their mischief is contagious, their fun so true, They're a treasure, a gift to me and you.
Their little hands so deft, their feet so light, They swing through the trees, with grace and might. They're a wonder, a marvel to see, A precious gift, a treasure to me.