Sex jokes
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
*funny joke about dicks*
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
Why do vegetarians give anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at an adult book store? Because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat.
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?
What itches a lot?
Syphilis.
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.