Sex jokes
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
What itches a lot?
Syphilis.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?
A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.
Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.