Sex jokes

You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

There are now only three genders: Male, female, and stupid!

Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Your mama is so fat, guys have to bring climbing equipment to have sex with her.

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.

Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.

Pls send.

I had sex, but ended up going "uuyaahh!"

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?

She ended up under the doc[tor].

I just had sex.

What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"

What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?

His ears.

A bird was on a branch at school today. I turn away to talk to my friends, and another bird was there when I turned around. I turn around again, and the birds are having fucking sex!!!

What the fuck.

Now I've seen everything.

How to get your woman to come upstairs? Say you are naked.

What do you call five black people having sex? A threesome.

Ah, son of a bitch, I got the truth stuck on my shoe?!?!

The truth: Breast feeding is like having long sex with your baby. God dammit, I hate the truth!