Sex jokes

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"

What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?

Hair pull.

POV: Get a banana cleaner and use it as a sex toy.

Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

Why can’t orphans have sex?

Because they don’t have a daddy to run back to.

Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?

Because it got pissed off!

When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?

SHUT UP!!!

"Fuck" and "sex" are hot, which is fire.

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

What's between a wife and a husband?

A divorce.

If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.

Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.

Why do orphans have sex toys? Because the uncle isn't there.

"Jizzy jazz all over my ass."

What day can you have sex on?

Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

Jesus got rejected. A few years later he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.

Get off this site and go have some sex, you fucking virgins.

You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?