Sex jokes

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?

Mom: Shut up and keep licking.

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

Fancy playing rodeo sex?

"OK then," she said!

Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.

Why did the two balls cross the road?

To get to the penis!

Sorry, too rude?

Linda and Peter are having sex. Peter goes in and out hard then fast and then begins to taste her tits. Finally, he moves down to the vagina and eats her hard. His rouge is inside her body, lolling around. He fucks her hard again and his dick slicks up her vagina. The entire time she is moaning and begging for more.

When Linda cums on his penis she begins to lick his balls hard. Peter begins moaning too saying, "Linda, you're just as amazing at fucking as your sister."

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.

How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.

YOUR MOM sucks my dick 24/7.

Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"