Sex jokes

What's between a wife and a husband?

A divorce.

Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.

Why do orphans have sex toys? Because the uncle isn't there.

"Jizzy jazz all over my ass."

What day can you have sex on?

Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

Jesus got rejected. A few years later he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.

Get off this site and go have some sex, you fucking virgins.

Why did God give women legs?

1. To look at.

2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.

You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

There are now only three genders: Male, female, and stupid!

Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Your mama is so fat, guys have to bring climbing equipment to have sex with her.

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.

Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.

Pls send.

I had sex, but ended up going "uuyaahh!"

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?