Sex jokes

What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?

Alien vs. Predator.

I'm Gay.

*walks into sex shop*

Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.

Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.

Boy and girl.

Boys af sex wus ur girl?

Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?

A: Because they like to come in a little behind.

My joke is about Archer, riddles, sex life. Wait, sorry, there is none.

Thanks for reading Archer’s love life story.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One's a good year and one's a great year.

I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.

I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.

What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"

When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?

SHUT UP!!!

Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?

Hair pull.

POV: Get a banana cleaner and use it as a sex toy.

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

Why can’t orphans have sex?

Because they don’t have a daddy to run back to.