Sex jokes

What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"

POV: Get a banana cleaner and use it as a sex toy.

What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?

Hair pull.

Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?

Because it got pissed off!

Why can’t orphans have sex?

Because they don’t have a daddy to run back to.

When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?

SHUT UP!!!

"Fuck" and "sex" are hot, which is fire.

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

What's between a wife and a husband?

A divorce.

Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.

"Jizzy jazz all over my ass."

Why do orphans have sex toys? Because the uncle isn't there.

What day can you have sex on?

Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

Jesus got rejected. A few years later he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.

Get off this site and go have some sex, you fucking virgins.

Why did God give women legs?

1. To look at.

2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.