Sex jokes
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
Man, I miss Savor, savor these balls in ya mouth!
Why did the rapist not get sentenced?
Because rule 69 said so 🤣🤣
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."
What's a prostitute's favorite snack?
Skittles. They love to taste the rainbow.
Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?
He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.
What’s white and sticky? A white man's penis after taking care of his neighbor's dog.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"
I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."
She was amazed!
What's the difference between anal and oral sex? An and Or!
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Two sticks only make a fire.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?
I haven’t banged a hooker.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.