Sex jokes
Penis β β β π³
inside πΉ πΉ restroom
equals π π π π inside
glory π³
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
Dad fucked Mom.
Mom fucked son.
Son fucked sister.
Sister fucked dog.
Dog fucked cat.
Cat fucked bird.
Bird fucked fish.
Fish fucked Dad.
Dad really liked it!
You were amazing... Sike I lied, that pussy is dry.
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
Your face with my cum.
Why can't orphans suck dick?
Because they don't have a stepbro.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. βI donβt want to know!β Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. βOh, Pop,β Johnny sobbed, βFor me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if youβre telling me now that grownups donβt really have sex, Iβve got nothing left to live for!β
How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts, youβre left with one greasy box to put your bone in.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!
Nice cock, bitch.