Sex jokes
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Me: What are we doing in HPE?
Friend: Fitness.
Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
I suck poop in my butthole, aka porn.
Suc my dic
I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
Why is Fairy's washing up liquid the best form of lubricant for anal sex?
No more tears.
REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! Oh Quin, how was eating that tight butt? Must be nasty. I heard you met from rear ending him.
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.