Sex jokes

God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.

Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."

Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.

Girlfriend: No.

Boyfriend: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you want sex.

Boyfriend: No, I don't.

NEXT MINUTE

The man could hear banging.

There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.

Now that's a hell of a ghost story!

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven is a registered sex offender.

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.

What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?

A dildo.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my bed has room for 2 ;)

A couple has sex in the dark every single night.

One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

What do gay horses eat?

Horse dick.

The pilot that hit the Pentagon must suck at sex because he missed the hole.

Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.

Abbie: I had sex with dad.

Mom: Go die in a hole!

My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?

There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.

What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?

A misfit.

She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.

A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.

After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."