Sex jokes
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.
In her religion, you NEVER pull out.
Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.
Person 1: Yassin has sex with a piece of sex.
Person 2: Nice, can I have some of your balls?
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
Suck my pp!
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.