Sex jokes

A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.

Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.

Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.

In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”

Why do any orphans have sex?

Because they can't call anyone "daddy."

How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.

I only have sex with suicidal bitches because that pussy [is] limited edition.

What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?

When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺

Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!

I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.

What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.

I have two eyes and am afraid of sex.

A Fortnite player.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

7 was a registered sex offender.

Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

SEX Some Event Xaern

Xaern - loving something so much you begin to dislike it.