Sex jokes
What's the sound that dwarfs make when they have sex?
Broken plates.
What does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.
They'll never do reverse cowgirl because you never turn your back on family.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.
Why did God create sex for marriage?
Because he wanted more people and less fun.
Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?
He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
I would make a joke about your sister, but she banged me.