Sex jokes

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

Hey, Tanya, can I Tanya ass?

What is black and blue and really hates sex? The six-year-old in my basement.

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

His mother replies, "The stork brings them."

Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

Anal.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.

What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.

A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"

Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

What do Hostess Twinkies and the cock of a gay man have in common?

🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍨 🍨 🍨 🍨

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

Why did my mouth say no to butt? Because that would be too much sex.

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?

Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.

She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.

What's the point of sex when you're gay?

Because only gay people jerk off.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.