Sex jokes
Who wants a spot of bukkake for bedtime?
Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.
Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.
If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.
Q. What's a dog's favourite type of sex? A. Ruff.
As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.
I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.
The best part? She don't talk back.
Women should be seen and not heard.
But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?
Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.
I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.
Once you've had the mother,
Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.
I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.
What is the definition of auto masturbation?
Fellatio.
What do you say when Jack's late to sex ed?
"Aye-jack-you-late!"
What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a carpet muncher, you have to give her money.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Why don’t Mexicans have sex education and driver's education on the same day?
Because the donkey gets tired.
I once masturbated in the bathroom.
I was looking for something, for a little help.
Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.
I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
What is the difference between interstate and intercourse?
Chuck Norris came up with the name for Walker, Texas Ranger in sheer brilliance. You can arrange each letter for the name of the show to display the true name being "Wrangler Karate Sex!"