Sex jokes

"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."

Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?

A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.

What flavor ice cream do rape victims enjoy?

Cock flavor.

Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.

What’s another name for nutting in a woman?

Loading the dishwasher.

Once I got out of bed, my butt hurt afterward.

What do condoms and whores have in common?

Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

How do you tell a male skeleton from a female skeleton by the BONERS lmao?

Women are only for sex!

They are good for cooking and sex!

Nothing but those things.

Who sucked on my cock?

Answer: You.

Why can’t an emo have sex?

They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.

Gwen pegs Xavier.

Hey, I broke up with your girl.

-Me: What? Why?

Wait, what?

-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.

An orphan walks on a path asking for his mum. Soon he remembers he doesn't have a mum.

(Also, I had sex with ur mum. She was screaming "daddy~")

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Why couldn't the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken's ass!

What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?

Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.

Q. What do Kenny's dick and this joke have in common?

A. They're both really short.

What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

Little Johnny once was at a camp and asked his teacher if he could sleep with her because he was homesick, so the teacher said yes. A few seconds later, Little Johnny asked if he could run his finger in her bellybutton, and she said yes.

A few seconds later, she moaned and felt so good, but it was not his finger putting it down her bellybutton; it was his dick and her penis.