Sex jokes
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
Why do pedos like to lose races? Because they like to cum on a little behind.
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.
One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.
So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.
Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!
Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"
#she is sex*
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
Just saying this, but I hate how many little kids there are on this site, and when they post, they have the worst posts about "sex", so I'm just saying how they act immature.
What's the difference between an aborted fetus and an upside-down bar stool? An upside-down bar stool can only pleasure 4 men.
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
What do you call a sad porno?
A tear jerker.
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered sex offender.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?
Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.
If you’re gonna have a gangbang, make it extreme!
What comes after 69?
Period.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."