Sex jokes
Big penis.
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."
A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"
The woman replies, "No, why?"
The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."
A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
I love eating Hisoka's big, fat, juicy c*ck.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.
If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?
Heh heh, get it? 69! Ha ahahaha!
What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?
Suck a big cock.
What's the difference between me and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.
In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."
Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
Q: Sex is great, only your mate can sometimes be a little nuts!
(I am still a single young virgin.)
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.