China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.
Why did Trump go to Jeffrey's secret Island?
So he could trump that little bitch!
