Security jokes
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...
Are they just given a quick crash course?
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
Why do guys hold their ball sack when they run?
Because they don't have titties.
Yo mama's so old, her social security number is one.
Q. Why did the orphan rob a bank?
A. To feel wanted for the first fucking time.
I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...
I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.
Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.
I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.
What's the difference between George Bush and Donald Trump?
One is into airline security, and one is into wall, turrets, and rockets.
What's the similarity between George Bush and Donald Trump?
It just doesn't work...
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.
I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.