Security jokes

What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

How do you know when German people break into your house? When you can not find your bed.

Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.

Biden: *falls over on steps*

Why did the rapper become a locksmith?

Because he always had the KEYS!

What did Pepper say to Spray?

"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.

Father: Guns cause all these problems!

Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*

Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y

I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕

And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!

Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄

Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?

Because he was about to kick the cabinet.

The school shooter when the cops show up be like:

"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?

Keep yourself safe!

What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.

What is Forrest Gump's password?

1forest1

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ... so Trump can't tweet it.

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?

Guardian of the confessional booth.

For all the Harry Potter fans:

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