Cybersecurity jokes

Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password.

Me: Sorry mate, it's so short, get a longer one! 🤣

*Enter password*

"ScoobyDoo"

"Password must contain special character."

"ScoobyDooFeaturingBatman"

My local hacker contacted me and told me that he hacked my computer.

I responded, “Show me proof.” He provided the username and password for my email account, bank account, video game accounts, and social media accounts. To be honest, that is the fastest “Forgot Password” procedure I’ve ever done.

Guess McAfee doesn’t clear all computer viruses.

roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.

Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.

For I have everyone's IP address.

If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.

If Red gets voted out, what happened?

Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"

Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"

Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"

Lime, Green, and Purple run.

Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.

Black killed Red. Black is the win.

LOL

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

Where did the software developer go?

I don’t know, he ransomware!

Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?

Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!

Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?

Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!

Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.

A FEW MOMENTS LATER

Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?

Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...

TWO HOURS LATER

Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!

AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER

To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".

Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked.

Now it’s $3.99.

Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach

Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just hacked the "chrime."

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His computer got a virus.

Why do hackers in Africa have hard times dealing with firewalls?

They don't have water.