Security jokes
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
Why are orphans so scared of the dark?
The dad can't check the closet for them.
My Grandpa was supposed to be in 9/11, but airport security got him.
I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
Passwords am I right
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
Watchdogs.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just hacked the "chrime."
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
How do you enter your house?
Through Bill Gates!
Types "I'm not a robot" on computer.
Son, we are geniuses!
Bomb.
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?
Guardian of the confessional booth.