I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras but then I heard popping behind me
i thought i told u the lock up when i left this morning this is why our shit gets stolen all the time
Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says “Go and lock the door first...”
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like get down Mr. Presi-
why are orphan so scared of the dark the dad cant check the closet for them.
What will Donald trump build in our devices? - A firewall
tech administrator of a school: hm, a message from google security? tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT! assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME? tech administrator of a school: WEVE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE! assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! that's a good one, almost as good as the one with jack, jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right? head of school board: *whispers* yeah were fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.
what does the sign say on the hooker house say afterwards they were on lockdown? A. We're on lockdown get lost pervert.
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS
Do you think when Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like Donald Duck?
What are four ways a condom is like a republican elephant? 1. It stands for inflation. 2. It limits production. 3. It encourages cooperation. 4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.
How do you know when germane people break into your house? When you can not find your bed
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store the tea bag section had been ransacked. Luckily they found the thief Pionel Pessi with boxes of his favourite tea,Penaltea. Shame on you Pessi.
If cops are called pigs then security guards are piglets
your mum was poor so she went to rob the bank but she left cuz she couldnt find the cameras. she left her son and the security [girl] gave him the camera.
What's the difference between George Bush and Donald Trump? One is into airline security, and one is into wall, turrets, and rockets. What's the similarity between George Bush and Donald Trump? It just doesn't work...
