Say jokes
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"
The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
I was about to say an African joke, but it was too dry.
If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
What did the big rose say to the little rose?
"Hi, bud!"
1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.
2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.
If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.
Welcome.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
Just saying this, but I hate how many little kids there are on this site, and when they post, they have the worst posts about "sex", so I'm just saying how they act immature.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
A Roman guy walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Can I have 5 beers please?"
Don't adopt people, or else your parents are gonna say you're ACTUALLY adopted, k thx. No jokes anymore, bye.
Why does an orphan cry when we say "ur mom?"
Because they have no mom.
Why do people say "cheese" when they are taking a photo?
Because they were using the computer and thought about it.