I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.
Say Jokes
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
What did one tower say to the other?
Damn, you looking PLANE!
What's the most motivational thing to say to an orphan? Go big or go home!
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We’re closed."
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
Why do orphans like Darth Vader?
So he can say, "I'm your father!"
What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?
So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"
Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"
Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"
What did the water say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!
What did Africa say to the grass? Get off me!
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"
Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
Why can't orphans say "mommy: me?" Because the fosters said no.
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.
He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!