New Say Jokes

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs Nice tits

You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.

You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.

You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.

Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.

Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.

Americans leave without saying goodbye.

Russians say goodbye without leaving.

This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.

The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.

The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”

The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

How names were named.

"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."

"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"

A Russian, a Cuban, and an Englishman are on a ship. The Russian takes a swig of vodka and throws the bottle overboard. The Cuban and Englishman with astonishment say to the Russian, "What did you do that for?"

The Russian says, "In Russia, we got an unlimited supply of vodka."

A little while later, the Cuban lights up a cigar, takes a puff, and throws it overboard. The Cuban says, "We got an unlimited supply of Cuban Cigars in Cuba."

Then the Englishman grabs a Paki and throws him overboard...

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"