Say jokes
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?
"Good Lord, this is fun!"
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
Next person that says 67, I am gonna yell "9/11" and sweep their feet.
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.
One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."
"How many men does your wife have?"
Say Fentanyl 3 times in the mirror and you'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.
What did Britney Spears’s left leg say to her right leg? Nothing they’ve never met
Bertold Brecht & Tork Poettschke visit the places of their youth together. One says to the other: "Here used to be the Phoenix Lake. Where did he go?" "That was probably a pirate ..."
Tork Poettschke says to Charles Bukowski: "You have beautiful teeth! Are they also available in white?"
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.
What did the mom say to the twins?
"Go crash a plane!"
If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea...
Well, he doesn't walk up, he swims up.
Well, actually, the mollusk isn't moving, he's in one place.
And then the sea cucumber, well, they... I mixed up.
There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that...
There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks.
So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"
How do you make an idiot say how?
What did one orphan say to the other one?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."