What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!
Why did the gay guy say the n word? Cos he's retarded.
Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.
It says, "271032."
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.
A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
Two men are sitting at a coffee table.
Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."
Joe: "Why do you say that?"
Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."
Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."
Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
They say Trump got impeached, but he is an orange.
What did President Ford say when he met Betty?
"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wa sa Bee.
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
