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Why can’t orphans eat cereal?
It says, "Family size."
What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"
What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!
Hey, I'm Gwen. I just want to say I am speechless.
Gwen, hi, this is well, I am not saying, are you a girl? I thought you were a girl, but I could be wrong.
Who thinks Gwen and dumb bitch prince should *STOP* dating! AND LET THE REAL LOVERS *Gwen and Aiden* RESUME TO *LOVE* SAY ME IN THE COMMENTS SO NOT!!!!!!!!
Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?
Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
What did the bull say to the bullfighter?
What's the "matador?"
What did the bus driver say to the lady with one leg?
Hop on.