Say jokes
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
"UwU my balls says mommy."
"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?
"I have runny volcanoes."
How do you give a woman from Alabama a nice compliment?
Answer: You say to her, "Hey, nice tooth!"
when your texting your friend funny jokes, Them on the other side when they say lol:
What does Joker say when someone gets angry at him for not liking oats?
"Hey, why so cereal?"
You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?
A pair of Newfies decide to visit Toronto. They drive through Nova Scotia, through New Brunswick, through Montréal, Kingston, Oshawa... then they see a sign that says "Toronto Left", so they turn back around and go home.
What does a skeleton say when he has lots of work?
"I have a ton of work, skele-ton."
What did Jarrah say to Hanjour?
"Hey, Firesharky... How did you know if I was your brother when I'm not? You didn't even say my name, and plus, I'm lying about my name."
"There is no way you can fit in there."
"Says who?"
"Your mom."
"When?"
"Last night."
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner!
Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"
You know the saying, "Third time's the charm?"
Well, Germany lost twice.
One time a crow saw a peacock and then wanted to be like a peacock, so he picked up peacock feathers and then wore them.
Then he starts walking and everybody thinks he's strange, and then his friends are not his friends anymore, and then after that he says, "Friends, please be my friends again. I'm sorry, I will be the way I am."
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
What did the fox say to the fire?
You look hot!
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?
Open wide, here comes the plane!