Say jokes
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?
Batter up!
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
What did the Titanic say as it sank?
I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Crap, I burnt one!"
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
Nothing, she was hung over.
What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"