Say jokes

Why did the Titanic sink? Because everyone played Simon Says!

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Gock gock gock ghghghkghlhglhglhk.

Why did Uranus say gross? Because he saw Uranus.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.

Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.

You have a father figure.

When cops say you have the right to remain silent,

You're just happy you have the right to do something.

What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?

Nothing, she was hung over.

What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"

My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"