Say jokes

How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What did one twin say to the other?

"Watch out for the plane!"

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

What did the barbwire say to big foot? "My name is Jeff."

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

Why did the Titanic sink? Because everyone played Simon Says!

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

Gock gock gock ghghghkghlhglhglhk.

Why did Uranus say gross? Because he saw Uranus.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.

Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.