A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
Say Jokes
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.
“No, it’s curry this time.”
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"
What do you say to an emo's wrist?...
"I like ur cut G."
Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!
My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.
Don't ever say your life is a joke because jokes are actually funny.
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
What did one skeleton say to another?
...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?
Virgos are always virgins to age 17... Just saying.
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
What did the acorn say when it grew up?
Geometry.
(Geometry= "Gee, I'm a tree!")
I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? "HDMI."
