Say jokes

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

What did Eve say to Adam?

"That is rock hard."

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Şehmus ne demiş? Ne bileyim, olm, ona sor.

How to know something won’t be fun:

Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

What does the cent say when it says hello? It waves.

Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."

The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.

What did the priest say during the christening?

"So anyway, I started blasting!"

What did the shirt say to the pants?

Belt.

You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"

What did the lady say when she sat on Pinocchio's face:

"Tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth, tell a lie, tell a truth!"

What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”

They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

What did a tree say to the tomato?

Nothing! Trees don't talk, silly.

What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?

"They forgot the stuffing!"