Say jokes

How do you say "fish" without the "i"?

Fsh

What did Eve say to Adam?

"That is rock hard."

What do you say to the USA after 9/11? Checkmate.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"

So that way they feel important.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."

Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"

Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"

No one wants him, not even the bees.

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

Q: What did the emo kid say to the other emo kid?

A: I like ya cut, G.

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!