Say jokes
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
What did the rapper say to the SANDWICH?
"Wrap it up!"
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?
"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Crap, I burnt one!"
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What did the rapper say to his broken refrigerator?
"Yo, chill!"
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
Nothing, she was hung over.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because everyone played Simon Says!