Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
Safety Jokes
When the school shooter finds you under the table,
"Wonderful weather we're having!"
Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?
Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.
Why did the guy get the hose?
Because the girl was smoking hot.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Q: What's yellow and can't swim?
A: A school bus full of children.
What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?
A school bus filled with children.
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
Why was the American kid late to school?
Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.
There are women complaining about being r@ped.
JUST DON'T GO NEAR DARK ALLEYS WITH A SPORTS BRA ON. 😁
What's yellow and can't swim? A school bus full of orphans.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair in a burning building?
Hot wheels! 😎
A kid and a man are walking into a forest at night.
Kid: "Mr., it's getting dark. I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and then you remember there are no speed bumps.
"Zre, um, be careful when using a gun, okay? And meh not fat, boy."
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
