Health and safety tips: Looking at your hairline is hazardous. For your best interest, please look away.
Safety Jokes
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Why can't orphans cross roads?
They don't have a parent to hold hands with.
Why did the boy not cross the road?
Because he was on thin ice.
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
I started working at the AISH office a few months ago.
I felt like I wasn't fitting in. Then my coworker showed me where the pepper spray and emergency contraception pills were.
Now I feel like I belong.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.
What begins in F and ends in UCK?
Fire truck.
How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope they hung themself in...
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Whatβs yellow and canβt swim??
A school bus with elementary kids.
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
