Safety jokes
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
What do you call a gay kid on fire?
Who robs and breaks into people's houses?
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because they have no parents to watch them!
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Why can't orphans cross roads?
They don't have a parent to hold hands with.
Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
Why drink water and not bleach?
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.
What begins in F and ends in UCK?
Fire truck.
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.