Safety jokes
The toaster, otherwise the perfect bath bomb.
When you lock the door, but you realize it's a pull open door!
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Who robs and breaks into people's houses?
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!
What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!
If I ever have a YouTube channel, I'm pretty sure it would be called "101 Things NOT To Do With Electrical Sockets."
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.