I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
Safety Jokes
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids drowning.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
