Safety

Safety jokes

Helmet

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!

Suicide attempt

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

Man

Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?

Shooting

Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.

Memes

Road

Why did the kid cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂

Staircase

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

Shooter

True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.

Bridge

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

Time

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

Bus

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

Light

Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?

A: Stop looking, I’m changing!

Cap

If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.

Man

A man and a child walk into a forest.

The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."

The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."

Lesson

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

High

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.