Safety jokes
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RCXD.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Keep yourself safe!
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
Why did the kid cross the road?
Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.