Safety jokes

Why did the kid cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?

About 40 mph.

Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!

Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.

Abandon ship!

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

What do Americans call high school?

A shooting range.

Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?

A: Stop looking, I’m changing!

A man and a child walk into a forest.

The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."

The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!