Safety jokes

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RCXD.

What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?

In trouble!

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!

Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!

Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

A man and a child walk into a forest.

The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."

The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?

A: Stop looking, I’m changing!

What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?

About 40 mph.

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!