Safety jokes
Health and safety tips: Looking at your hairline is hazardous. For your best interest, please look away.
When you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Cause he would never look both ways.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
I'd rate the pilot a 9/11.
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
The toaster, otherwise the perfect bath bomb.
When you lock the door, but you realize it's a pull open door!
An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.
The death toll went sky high.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
Why did the boy not cross the road?
Because he was on thin ice.
What is the good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in school zones.
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
Why can't weapons play baseball?
Because they need to get to home base.