Safety jokes
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Why drink water and not bleach?
Memes
Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
When you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
I'd rate the pilot a 9/11.
Who robs and breaks into people's houses?
What is the good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in school zones.
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because they have no parents to watch them!
Why can't weapons play baseball?
Because they need to get to home base.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
What do you call a gay kid on fire?
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Cause he would never look both ways.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.
The toaster, otherwise the perfect bath bomb.