Safety jokes
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
I'd rate the pilot a 9/11.
Health and safety tips: Looking at your hairline is hazardous. For your best interest, please look away.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.
When you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?
Because their phone exploded the towers.
Why can't weapons play baseball?
Because they need to get to home base.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Cause he would never look both ways.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
Why can't orphans cross roads?
They don't have a parent to hold hands with.
Why did the boy not cross the road?
Because he was on thin ice.
An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.
The death toll went sky high.
The toaster, otherwise the perfect bath bomb.
When you lock the door, but you realize it's a pull open door!
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.