Safety jokes
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
Keep yourself safe!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RCXD.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"