Safety jokes
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
Keep yourself safe!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RCXD.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.