Safety

Safety jokes

Chainsaw

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

Rape

Why do women buy clothes from the kids section? Because rapists prey on the weak.

Memes

Gun shop

Q: What did I find on my son's search history?

A: Where is the nearest gun shop?

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  • Landmine

    I've got a job defusing landmines.

    It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.

    Museum

    Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"

    Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.

    House Fire

    Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

    Helmet

    Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

    Girlfriend: "No."

    Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

    Toast

    911 what's your emergency?

    "Burning in toaster."

    "Toast?"

    "Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

    "Set fire to my forest!"