Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
What do you call a singing laptop? -- A Dell.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I'd hit that.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain ? The wall behind him.
Why doesn't the Sun go to college? -- Because it has a million degrees.
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health? -A baseball bat
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it Leaves and never comes back
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles, His teacher asked "Three birds where sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said "No, but I like the way you think!" Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said "Little Johnny!" He replied "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?
