Mystery

Mystery Jokes

Tent

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

Film

What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people.

Suicide

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

Furry

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

Body

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

Sense

Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.

What am I?

Answer: a Riddle.

Orphan

Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.

Wife

Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.

Orphan

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.

Magician

Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.

Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."

"Really?" asked a little girl.

"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."

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  • Phone Call

    I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*

    Therapist

    Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.

    Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.

    Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???

    Daina (😌): I know, right?

    Murder

    A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

    (Getting brutally murdered.)