Mystery jokes
Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.
Except my depression.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.
Mary had a little lamb. Chick, chick, bam! No more lamb.
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.
What am I?
Answer: a Riddle.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (😌): I know, right?
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"