Riddles
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.
What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.