Reproduction jokes
Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.
Children in the dark make mistakes.
Mistakes in the dark make children.
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
Why can't orphans have babies?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
If abortion is murder, is jerking off genocide?
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...