Reproduction jokes

Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.

Children in the dark make mistakes.

Mistakes in the dark make children.

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.

You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.

My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?

Sex is like math.

Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.

Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?

A: An egg gets laid.

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

Why can't orphans have babies?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

If abortion is murder, is jerking off genocide?

What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

I'm actually against abortion.

Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill,

And now there's little Frankey.

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.