Fertility jokes

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?

Because of his short cummings.

Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.

One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.

"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

She chews before she swallows.

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

Wanted: Sperm donors. Please come quickly!

What do you call a dead black plantation worker? Fertilizer.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.

The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"

By the way, infertility is hereditary:

If your parents did not have children, you will not have any.

My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.