Reproduction jokes

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

Anything can be funny with the right delivery, except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.

A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"

Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."

"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abortion.

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

Jokers are all about the delivery.

Except abortion jokes...

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?

Her miscarriage.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.

What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?

Only one of them is scared.

If you humped a whale, it would humpback.

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?

Two swallows.

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?

Answer: She’s dead.

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

She chews before she swallows.