Reproduction jokes

Anything can be funny with the right delivery, except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.

A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"

Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."

"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abortion.

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

Jokers are all about the delivery.

Except abortion jokes...

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?

Her miscarriage.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.

What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?

Only one of them is scared.

If you humped a whale, it would humpback.

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?

Two swallows.

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?

Answer: She’s dead.

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

She chews before she swallows.