Offspring

Offspring Jokes

Asian

Why can't two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

Cow

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

De-calf-inated.

Raisin

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

Dad

What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.

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  • Asian

    Why can't Asians make a white baby?

    Cause two wongs don't make a white.

    Family

    Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

    Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

    Son: Yes, why?

    Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

    Mom

    Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

    Onion

    What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.

    Drug

    What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

    Incest

    People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

    I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

    Infertility

    By the way, infertility is hereditary:

    If your parents did not have children, you will not have any.

    Baby

    A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

    Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

    Woman: "What's the bad news?"

    Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

    Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

    Dr: "It's dead!"

    Daughter

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.

    Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.

    Swallow

    If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?

    Two swallows.

    Baby

    I was gonna tell you a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.

    Nun

    What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?

    The nun gets pregNUNt.

    Marijuana

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

    Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

    But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.