Offspring jokes

Why can't two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

De-calf-inated.

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.

Why can't Asians make a white baby?

Cause two wongs don't make a white.

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.

By the way, infertility is hereditary:

If your parents did not have children, you will not have any.

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.

If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?

Two swallows.

Kids?

I was gonna tell you a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.

What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?

The nun gets pregNUNt.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.