Reproduction jokes
My superpower is that I can create life.
Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.
One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.
"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."
What came first: the chicken or the egg?
Doesn't matter, in the future, they'll come together.
It used to be "My Body, My Choice" until Trump came to power. Now it's "Your Body, My Choice."
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby, it would be a turd covered in semen.
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
What kind of motorcycle do women ride? A menstrual cycle.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
I should probably stop making abortion jokes.
After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.