Birth jokes
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
Why was Hitler born? Because he got killed.
Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.
Kariana: Dad and mom, what is this bullshit?
Treon: How did you find that?!
Kariana: It was under the cabinet where you told me to put the streamers. I found these under the cabinet, did she have another sister you didn't tell me about? Now tell the truth, or else!
Petina: Now what have we told you about going into things that are not yours!
Kariana: I just told you to say the fricking truth, now who is Faineni? Where is she? Who is she? What is her date of birth? Why do I have her bra under here and why....IS IT UNDER THE FRICKING CABINET!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!
Treon: We can't!
Kariana: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!
What day are twins born the most?
Toos-day.
Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
Yo, hairline as long as George Washington's date of birth.
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
What's dumb?
The Fetus Deletus joke!
Fucking hate that joke....
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?
Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!
Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.