Birth jokes
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
Yo, hairline as long as George Washington's date of birth.
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
Boy: I'm dead.
Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?
Boy: No, I was just born this way.
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
Here [are] some questions firesharky:
1. What color hair do u have?
2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?
3. What state [were] u born in?
Do not say I don't know.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.
Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.
Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
Why was Hitler born? Because he got killed.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
You were born out of your dad.
You were born so fat they needed two cranes to carry you.
Daughter: Where was I born?
Dad: Alabama.
Daughter: That is nice.
Mum: We have never been to Alabama.
Dad: RUN!