Reproduction jokes

If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?

Two swallows.

What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.

What do cannibals call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Surprise.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

A genealogist looks at the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"

If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?

"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."

What's a fetus' favorite gun? A micro SMG.

I was gonna tell you a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort it.

What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?

Chunky Tomato Soup.

I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it.