Relationship jokes

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:

"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

Why did my dad leave me?

Because I was gay.

What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?

Boomerangs come back.

What does a lesbian call the other during sex?

Mummy.

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

I have a girlfriend.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?

Coworker, why is Sara so blue?

Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you with your husband together out of love. You better watch out dear, she might "saraorize" him, with her crooked teeth and ultra-thin lips.

What's the difference between my dad and a hooker? Hookers come back.

Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.

Mom!

Ur Granny, tranny.

Ur Dad, lesbian.

Ur Mom, gay.

Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”

Man: “Am I dying?”

Doctor: “No, your wife is.”

"Poo heads."

The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."

Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"

Maid: "No, the gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.