Wilderness jokes

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a can of Spam?

After 6 months in the woods, you'll still eat the can of Spam.

I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.

The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."

I was walking in the forest with my gf.

I had a Desert Eagle for protection.

A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.

Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.

Have you ever tried sex when camping?

It's f***ing intense.

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.

Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.

A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"

Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”

Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.