Wilderness jokes

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

I was walking in the forest with my gf.

I had a Desert Eagle for protection.

A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.

Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.

A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"

Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?

Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?

That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.

The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."

I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.

Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a can of Spam?

After 6 months in the woods, you'll still eat the can of Spam.

It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?

Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."